*knock knock*

“Anyone there?”

“Ah ha! You are here. Won’t you let me in?”

“No? I’m afraid you won’t have a choice in the matter.”

“That should do it!”

“Now, now. Don’t be afraid.”

“I’m only here for your life.”

But… I bought Skyrim… Twice…

Buy it again

I don’t have any money, Mr. Howard.

Well, im sorry but you leave me no choice. Id rather not do this so im giving you another chance to buy The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim™ Remastered Edition. Its Skyrim in a whole new dimension!

I just need to get my paycheck, and then I’ll buy it, I swear!

It says here that you bought groceries this week. If you hadnt you could use that money to buy an incredible experience that is worth infinitely more, and it just works

I can’t play Skyrim if I’m dead, Todd.

Really fool? I’ll have Skyrim: Special Edition ported to hell by this October, this one’s free

And who says I’m gonna go to hell?

Mere bullets cannot stop me, mortal. Either bend to my will or you will suffer endlessly in my divine fire

You revealed your true form far too early, Howard.

And I have yet to even start powering up!

First, I shall pause you in time!

And then,

This is no ordinary gun, Todd. Take a closer look.

I shall absorb your company into Electronic Arts and bleed you dry! Your fate shall eclipse that of Mass Effect in terms of severity!

FOOL, YOU THINK THAT BETHESDA MATTERS TO ME? THEY WERE ONLY A TOOL TO FURTHER MY PLANS. YOU WILL BURN!

KNOW MY WRATH MORTAL

> mortal

He thinks I’m a mortal!

You have no clue who you are dealing with, Todd!

I have more power in my nose hairs than you do in your entire body, Todd!

You have one chance to earn your continued existence. Announce or release a game that isn’t Skyrim or Fallout 4 at the next E3. I shall be waiting for you there.

y’all did a whole RP on my post this is the funniest shit